I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Im part way to drunk.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
