I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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