to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize