omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
