mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
