I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
