Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
