Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
