I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
