My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
