you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Randomize
