he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
