brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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