rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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