I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
