Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
