What a fucking waste of an outfit
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm sobbing to NWA
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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