just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
