how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
