If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
