Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
