Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
