dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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