i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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