I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
