my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
