i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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