Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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