I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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