okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
