hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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