don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
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