Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I lost the right to judge tonight
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
