I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
