It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize