All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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