My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
birth control should be required to get into college
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
