its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize