I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
