So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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