either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
