Say something about gay babies.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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