I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
