I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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