Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
