Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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