guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
