Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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