I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
