Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
