After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
you win again, gameday.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
