Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
