There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I look better un-naked...
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
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