I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
