i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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