Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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