The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
