i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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