She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
