that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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