She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You made out with two different species that night
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
