Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
