dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
