her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize