Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
